Christopher Diaz
English 111-05
Professor Kara Waite
Essay 1 Draft
It was last semester when I came to Bunker Hill Community College as a first year student. I
was and still and very happy and proud of myself for making the decision to enroll in this
school. All through high school my teachers would say “ when you get to college your
professors will be very strict and professional”. I of course believed them seeing as they
had been to college and I was still in high school. My teachers having said that to me gave
me a preconceived idea in my head that college professors were professional and strict.
Now that I’ve been a college student for a while I know that to be very far from the truth.
My first day I had a 7am class. So as you can imagine I was not a happy person. After all
who likes waking up so early? Myself along with some other students were sitting in
class waiting and talking amongst ourselves until the professor showed up. The professor finally
walks in twenty eight minutes late for class. I was highly upset because I was there on time so I felt
that she should have been as well. She was dropping "f bombs" and words that I found to be
inappropriate. I was not offended by all of this at all. I was more taken back by her actions and
choice of words because you would think that a college professor would conduct themselves in a
more polite and professional manner. It made me feel like I was not so important to her. she would
constantly show up to class late and use profane language in class.
The Story 4– 5 points
ReplyDeleteThe writer has chosen a story that allows his or her personality to come through.
• The story is clearly significant and shaped the writer’s attitude, personality or worldview in some way. (1 point)
• The story feels like it belongs to this writer and not as if just anyone could have written it. (2 points)
The story leaves the reader with a moral take-away or lesson – it instructs is some way.
• The reader understands why she has taken the time to read the essay. (1 point)
• The story uses a specific example to illustrate a general principle or truth. (1 point)
Narrative Elements 3 – 5 points
The writer balances dialogue, narration, and physical description to maximize the story’s potential.
• The dialogue sounds realistic, specific and natural. (1 point)
• The narration isn’t so straightforward as to make the read feel like she’s being hammered over the head with the point nor so ambiguous that the writer’s thoughts/feelings are unclear. (2 points)
• The physical descriptions are not only clear and vivid, but necessary to the story’s sense of place and character. (2 points)
Structure 2 – 5 points
The structure of the story makes it more dramatic and interesting.
• The writer has chosen an organizational structure (either chronological time or psychological time) that makes sense for this story. (1 point)
The writer has chosen a start, middle and end that feels right for the story.
• The orientation, complication and resolution are present. (3 points)
• All the information needed to understand the logistics of the story are provided – nothing unnecessary is included. (1 point)
Total Points Possible: 9
Copy and paste this template as a comment on your partner’s blog post. Include your comments for each section on the rubric.
The Story: 4___ out of 5
Comments feel terrible when teacher came late to class and using profane language .
Narrative Elements:3 ___ out of 5
Comments: his experience first day of college .how he thinks about college would be
Structure: 3 ___ out of 5
Comments: List one thing you think the writer did well and AT LEAST one thing that needs improvement. Explain anything else that you noticed in giving your score.
My favorite thing about this story was his feeling toward late teacher
The detail that stuck out to me most was
This story could be made more exciting and memorable if you add more detail , describe more about the situation ,
I tried to post a comment on you blog but for some reason it wouldn't let me :( I don't know why.
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